Okay, so Mary Kay herself didn’t call me. (I had to look her up before I said that to make sure she was actually a real person… and now that I know she is a seem to remember that there may be a Lifetime movie about her?) Oh yeah… believe it or not I was going somewhere with this.
So a friend from North Carolina called the other day and told me that she started selling Mary Kay. Whenever someone calls telling me that they are selling lotion or makeup or face cream or whatever else people slather on their bodies my first thought is, “Oh my God. Not again, another person who will come to realize how little I take care of myself.” Seriously I am terrible. If people saw how many smooshed, melted lipsticks I own or how many 4-10 year old lotions, eye shadows, lip glosses, etc. I have they would probably die (yes, seriously, 10 years old for some of it… I am like a weird make up hoarder.) My mom is probably shaking her head at me right now. My Aunt Doris is too… she always said, “A little powder and paint make me look like what I ain’t.”
I go through phases of buying stuff and wanting a large makeup collection so that I can create every look in the Making Faces book by Kevyn Aucoin, but then it never happens. My latest phase was to throw it all away and just keep a few things. My makeup has been narrowed down quite a bit to a few (expensive) favorites that I had bought for the wedding and not much else. (Right before the wedding a friend had given me a facial as a gift. The girl at Aveda encouraged me to buy this $30 exfoliator to make my face hydrated? (maybe)… guess what never got opened? And then said exfoliator decided to bust open in a box when we moved. Yup, you guessed it… there goes $30 down the
drain box.) So at the moment I have a few favorites (That Gal by Benefit, Clinique mascara and lipstick, Nars blush and HD foundation… and Pureology for shampoo and conditioner- I do spend a lot of money on that because it’s the only thing that makes my hair feel soft.)
God, and I hate to admit this, but I never wash my face. I mean, when I take a shower water splashes on it so I guess technically it is getting washed, but I don’t wash the day off my face at night. And taking off my mascara (when I actually put it on), forget about it. I AM SO lucky that I got my mom’s skin that doesn’t break out, because I could never have made myself use Proactiv or other junk every day or night or however often you use it. Of course, then I go to my mom’s and she has all kinds of fun make up things that I play with (I guess I never grew up, I still get into my mom’s stuff) and I get obsessed with her Olay scrubbing brush thing and run out and buy my own. I might use it once a week…I am turning 30 in almost 3 years and my god, I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning to shower, let alone be bothered by using products. I suck at all of it. My mom is the exact opposite- she spends time doing her hair and getting ready every morning… me? I am lucky if my hair isn’t thrown into a ponytail and is left down.
Last year during MLK weekend in Florida my sister and I were discussing how we had to learn to do things with our hair, as the standard ponytail was getting old. I searched Pinterest and found some cute ideas. Luckily for my hair, I was on a seasonal layoff so I started practicing. My friends always asked what the “occasion was” and I assume it was because I actually looked like a presentable human being. I created some cute hairstyles, but as soon as I started working again back came the ponytail. When I was driving “the girl” to school this Fall (that was my job) I always rolled out of bed and showed up in sweats and a sweatshirt with my hair in a ponytail… or some days even, gasp, a messy bun. One day I actually did my hair (which means I use a pick and comb it and throw some curl cream in it, nothing more) and she looked at me and said, “Oh wow, I didn’t realize you had curly hair.” My response was, “Yup, I actually took a shower before picking you up and washed and combed it.”
Not to say that I am dirty- I always wash and comb my hair everyday, but it usually gets thrown up off my face. Add to the fact that we have super hard water in the house we are renting and now I have green hair. I have products to help remove some of it…. but do I use them? Ummm no. But I did today because when we met friends for dinner the other night she took one look at me and said, “Dude your hair is green!” It’s a great look for Halloween, but not for Valentine’s Day. (And thanks to Blizzard Nemo, I actually used the stuff today and the green is gone… but it’s up in a bun so you can’t tell anyway.)
I can’t remember if I have always been this way or not. When I was a teenager I used to love playing with makeup and girly stuff. But now that I am a grownup I don’t have the time to be bothered I guess. I have more important things on my mind… like will chocolate avocado pudding really taste good? Or how much longer can I sleep without being late for work? Or how do we get our own house faster so I can decorate with crazy colors? Or how can I avoid the grocery store but still make dinner with an empty refrigerator? Or how can I teach the dogs to refill my sangria? Or where can I find more cute $5 or less jewelry? (I still can’t convince myself to buy expensive jewelry because more than likely I will lose it. So don’t invite me to a jewelry party unless it’s Lia SoCheapa, because I am not going to spend money on something I will lose.) I mean really, as you can tell I lead a pretty busy life and my mind is constantly consumed by very important questions and details. I have no time to put on makeup, wash my face, paint my nails or file them (you should see how many different length nails I have right now, ugh. They keep breaking!) So tell me… when will I grow up to be a lady like you read about? I want to be one, but how do people find the time? Someday when I am a mom I won’t be a real housewife that’s for sure.
So help a girl out.
I keep telling myself there is such a thing as “careless lazy chic.” Tell me that there is. It’s okay, you can lie. Grownups can do that to protect someone else’s feelings.
And help another girl out. Tell me what Mary Kay products to buy. Maybe you could buy some from her too, that way you can make up for me and my inability to spend money on this stuff. I always hear good stuff about it (I got some Satin Hands stuff from MK as a bridal shower gift and like using it… when I remember, and use it correctly!)
One of these days (not today, I have been in pajamas all day) I will grow up. Excuse me while I attach a drink tray to my dog while so she can bring me some sangria.